MURPHY’S LAWS ON WORK ****************************************************************  

• The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90%.
  
  
• If you can’t get your work done in 24 hours, work nights.
  
  
• A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
  
  
• Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  
  
• It doesn’t matter what you do. It only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.
  
  
• After any salary raise you will have less money left at the end of the month than you did before.
  
  
• The more crap you put up with, the more crap you’re going to get.
  
  
• You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  
  
• Eat one live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
  
  
• Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one in which you are least interested, and say nothing about the other.
  
  
• When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
  
  
• If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
  
  
• There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a lift home from the office.
  
  
• The Boss is always right.
  
  
• Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
  
  
• Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back.
  
  
• Everything can be filed under miscellaneous.
  
  
• Never delay the end of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
  
  
• To err is human. To forgive is not company policy.
  
  
• Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing.
  
  
• Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
  
  
• The last person who quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong – until the next person qiuts or is fired.
  
  
• There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
  
  
• If you are good, you will get assigned all the work. If you are really good, you’ll get out of it.
  
  
• You’re always doing something marginal when your boss drops by your desk.
  
  
• If someone says he will do something "without fail", he won’t.
  
  
• People who go to conferences are the ones that shouldn’t.
  
  
• People are always available for work in the past tense.
  
  
• People don’t make the same mistake twice. They make it three times, four times or five times.
  
  
• If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
  
  
• At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
  
  
• When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  
  
• No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
  
  
• The longer the title, the less important the person.
  
  
• Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
  
  
• An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
  
  
• The more pretentious the corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, the Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T…..)
  
  
• Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
  
  
• All vacations and holidays present problems, except from one’s own.
  
  
• Success is a matter of luck; just ask any failure.