The British Government`s policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father - a government employee who attempts to solve the couple`s problem by impregnating the wife.

The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I`m off. The government man should be here soon". Moments later a door-to-door baby photographer rings the bell...

Ms. Smith: Good morning.

Salesman: Good morning, madam. You don`t know me, but I`ve come to...

Ms. Smith: No need to explain, I`ve been expecting you.

Salesman: Really? Well, good. I`ve made a specialty of babies, especially twins.

Ms. Smith: That`s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.

Salesman: (Sitting) Then you don`t need to be sold on the idea?

Ms. Smith: Don`t concern yourself. My husband and I both agree this is the right thing to do.

Salesman: Well, perhaps we should get down to it.

Ms. Smith: (Blushing) Just where do we start?

Salesman: Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor allows the subject to really spread out.

Ms. Smith: Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it hasn`t worked for Harry and me.

Salesman: Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if we try several locations and I shoot from six or seven angles, I`m sure you`ll be pleased with the result. In fact, my business card says, `I aim to please`.

Ms. Smith: Pardon me, but isn`t this a little informal.

Salesman: Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and take his time. I`d love to be in and out in five minutes, but you`d be disappointed with that.

Ms. Smith: Don`t I know? Have you had much success at this?

Salesman: (Opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures) Just look at this picture. Believe it or not, it was done on top of a bus in downtown London.

Ms. Smith: Oh, my??

Salesman: And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. They turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.

Ms. Smith: She was?

Salesman: Yes, I`m afraid so. I finally had to take her down to Hyde Park to get the job done right. I`ve never worked under such impossible conditions. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.

Ms. Smith: Four and five deep?

Salesman: Yes and for more than three hours, too. The mother got so excited she started bouncing around, squealing and yelling at the crowd. I couldn`t concentrate. I`m afraid I had to ask a couple of men to restrain her. By that time darkness was approaching and I began to rush my shots. When the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in.

Ms. Smith: You mean they actually chewed on your, eh ..., equipment?

Salesman: That`s right, but it`s all in a day`s work. I consider my work a pleasure. I`ve spent years perfecting my patented technique. Now take this baby, I shot this one in the front window of a big department store.

Ms. Smith: I just can`t believe it.

Salesman: Well, madam, if you`re ready, I`ll set up my tripod so that we can get to work.

Ms. Smith: TRIPOD???

Salesman: Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on. It`s much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I`m shooting. Ms. Smith? ... Ms. Smith? ...My word, she`s fainted?