10. Stop Crying! Spanking is supposed to be fun!

9. No sex after 8 p.m. on a school night.

8. Thoroughly test both milk feeders before the baby is born.

7. Do not make your kids Bustier too tight.

6. Absolutely no tatoos before age 1.

5. Child-proof all your sex toys.

4. Tight, black latex diapers hold everything in.

3. To avoid confusing the child, limit boyfriends to 1 per day.

2. NEVER leave your child with a stranger (for example, it's father).

1. Always sterilize your nipples; God only knows where they've been!