Top ten reasons Hockey is better than sex:

10. It's legal to play hockey professionally
9. The puck is always hard.
8. The protective equipment is reusable, and you don't even have to wash it. 7. It lasts a full hour
6. You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds.
5. Your parents cheer when you score.
4. A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon.
3. Periods last only 20 min.
2. You can count on it at least twice a week.
1. You can tell your friends about it afterwards

Top twenty reasons why chocolate is better than sex:

1. You can GET chocolate.
2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10.You can have chocolate on top of your desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.
11.You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12.You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13.With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14.Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15.You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16.Good chocolate is easy to find.
17.You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18.You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19.When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20.With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.

Why Sleep is Better Than Sex

10.You don't feel guilty about doing it alone.
9. No one will start rumors about how much you sleep.
8. You won't complain in the morning about not getting any.
7. You don't have to pay for sleep.
6. You don't need to sleep after sleeping.
5. Sleep can last a good eight hours. (or even more)
4. You can sleep in church.
3. While sleeping, you can have sex with anyone you want.
2. Your teddy bear never complains.
1. It's legal to sleep in any position in all 50 states.

Why Violence Is Better Than Sex

1. People respect individuals who will fight with anyone.
2. You can fight with several people at the same time and not be considered a pervert.
3. You can fight in public and not be embarrassed.
4. You spouse won't mind that you've fought members of the same sex.
5. You can't get syphilis from kicking people in the throat.
6. You can enter competitions of fighters and get trophies and prize money if your technique is good.
7. You can't get a black belt in the kama sutra.

Why a Marching Band is better than sex

8. Frequent starts and stops in practice only makes the performance better.
7. The more you practice the better it gets. without major fatigue.
6. You can do it twice during the week AND on the weekends
5. Now matter how cold it is outside you can still do it.
4. Parents like watching their kids do it.
3. A video tape of it won't be considered pornographic.
2. You can be as loud as you want and the neighbors won't complain.
1. More than 200 people can participate comfortably.

Top 10 reasons why suicide is better than sex:

10.You can still commit suicide when you're drunk off your ass.
9. You don't have to worry about 'safe suicide.'
8. Nobody wakes you up to ask for more.
7. No limit to the number of techniques.
6. Nobody ever asks for a long-term suicide commitment.
5. Who cares if you get a disease?
4. Doing it by yourself is just as good!
3. Easier than finding a date on a Saturday night.
2. Nobody ever complains about 'bad suicide.'
And the top reason...
1. YOU don't have to clean up the mess!

Top 10 Reasons why Trick-or Treating is Better Than Sex

10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. Person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you wear a Bill Clinton mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
And the top reason...
1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!