What Your Travels Will Be Like

Difficult and unbelieveably dangerous.

Space is notorious for having all sorts of terribly frightening things happening in it, most of which are best dealt with by running away very fast.

You should therefore take with you:

  1. A pair of strong running shoes. The most useful type are of outrageous design and mind-mangling colours; expirience has shown that if, while strolling through the ancient swampworld of Slumgurst you come unexpectedly across an appalling alien monster with Lasero-Zap eyes, Swivel-Shear teeth, several dozen tungsten-carbide Vast-Pain claws forged in the sun furnaces of Zangrijad, and a terrible temper, it is in your best interest that the monster should be for a moment
    1. startled, and
    2. looking downwards.
  2. A towel. Whilst the monster is temporarily confused by your footwear you should wrap the towel round its head and strike it with a blunt instrument.
  3. A blunt instrument (see above).
  4. A green Eezi-Mind Anti-Guilt jacket or sweat shirt, for wearing after incidents such as the above. Guilt is now known to be an electromagnetic wave-form which is reflected and diffused by the material from which these shirts are made. Wearing them protects you from worrying about all sorts of things, including your unpaid phone bill.
  5. A pair of Joo Janta 200 Super Chromatic Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses. These will help you to develop a relaxed attitude to danger. At the first hint of trouble they turn totally black, thus preventing you from seeing anything which might alarm you.
  6. All the lyrics to any songs you like to sing whilst travelling. It is very easy to make enemies by continually singing a song you don't know all the words to, particularly on long space journeys.
  7. A bottle of something. There are very few people in the Galaxy who won't be more pleased to see you if you are carrying a bottle of something.

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