How to Leave the Planet
- Phone NASA (tel. 0101 713 483 0123). Explain that it's very important that you get away as quickly as possible.
- If they don't cooperate, then try to get someone at the White House (tel. 0101 202 456 1414) to bring some pressure to bear on them.
- If you don't get any joy out of them, phone the Kremlin (tel. 0107 095 295 9051) and ask them to bring a little pressure to bear on the White House on your behalf.
- If that too fails, phone the Pope for guidance (tel. 010 396 6982).
- If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it's vitally important that you get away before your phone bill arrives.
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